


The Aftermath Of Essie Di Lucca

by PensAreIllegal



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry, No Beta We Die Like Essie, Sacha is a mess, The Hurt/Comfort is platonic, They try their best to help, so is everyone else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25850332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PensAreIllegal/pseuds/PensAreIllegal
Summary: Essie is gone. Sacha tried to prepare himself, but that doesn't make it any easier.
Relationships: Essie Harrison/Sacha Levy
Kudos: 7





	The Aftermath Of Essie Di Lucca

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My Buddy Lizzie](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=My+Buddy+Lizzie).



> At time of writing, S22 E25 only aired a couple of hours ago. I'm a wreck, of course, and I miss Essie a lot. So I drew up a plan for a fic about Sacha (and various other Holby staff) recovering from losinf Essie to fill the hole of the season break.
> 
> Here's the prologue! I hope you don't cry as much as I did while writing it.

Fletch is standing in front of Sacha, and Essie isn’t with him.

_“I'm really sorry, mate.”_

_“What... what?”_ Sacha knows. Of course he does, but what else can he do? He refuses to accept how Fletch is about to finish the sentence. It has to be a misunderstanding, and Fletch is apologising for something else. Sacha’s misreading this.

For a few agonizing seconds, Fletch doesn’t answer. The air is thick and heavy between them, and Sacha swears he’s going to pass out. Fletch looks the same, before he swallows and makes eye contact.

_“Essie passed away a few moments ago.”_

There. The finality of it all. The uttering of the dreadful truth that Sacha knew was coming from the second Fletch knocked on the door. No, not truth. It’s not true. It can’t be true.

_“It was peaceful. She wasn’t in any pain, and we’ve laid her out in her room if you want to come and see her.”_

Sacha stares at the floor in front of him, unable to move. That’s it. He’ll never move again, then he doesn’t have to feel this. Nothing will happen if Sacha just stays still forever and refuses to let this happen. He’s going to get married in a moment. Essie will hold his hand and tell him “I do”. Fletch and Dom and Jac and everyone will be there, and afterwards Dom will say something stupid to make Essie laugh that brilliant laugh of hers. Then Sacha’ll take Essie’s arm and wander on home. They’ll put Isla to bed, before chatting until the early hours about everything and nothing.

Essie is not dead, because how could someone so full of life and light be dead?

It’s only when Fletch extends a hand to comfort him that he moves – it’s too much, far too much. It feels like if he lets someone comfort him, that will make it real. Pulling back like he’s been burned, he exits, unable to do anything other than get out of there. He feels Fletch’s eyes burning into him, full of a mixture of sympathy and his own grief. The Sacha hears Fletch turn behind him, evidently going to tell the others.

Stumbling through the corridors of the hospital, Sacha tries to think. Everything’s a blur, the walls of the hospital hazy around him like a ruined watercolour painting. The floor feels like it won’t be there when he takes his next step, and he’ll just fall, fall, fall into nothing. Voices call out to him, congratulating him on his wedding, but it just sounds like he’s underwater. What are they even saying? Nothing makes sense.

Then Jac comes running up to him, rushing out an apology about traffic. A smile’s on her face as she catches up and thrusts the rings at him, full of excitement for her best friend. Then the smile fades in response to his expression, and she realises what’s happened. Sacha’s staring at her blankly, unable to comprehend anything that’s happening right now. What’s in his hand? Rings. Oh God, the rings. The wedding – _Essie._

_Oh, G-d. Essie._

And then the dam breaks. Sacha’s face crumples, and he lets out a sudden, choked sob. Then another. Then a third, and now he’s on the floor. Jac catches him, and holds him as tight as she can. She’s crying too, but Sacha can hardly tell over the roaring in his head. _Essie. Essie is gone. Oh my G-d, Essie is gone._ With every spiralling thought, his shoulders shake and the tide rushes over him anew.

They didn’t even get to marry. That was what was meant to happen, they were going to marry and then Essie could let go when she was ready. She was meant to hold on. She was meant to still be here. They even brought the date forward, and then when that wasn’t enough they brought it even closer. This wasn’t fair. Essie deserved so much more. So much more. The walls around him are crumbling down, Sacha’s sure of it. Everything is slipping, his whole world is turning to dust because what is his world without Essie? Without his _wife?_ She should have been his wife.

.

.

. 

After a while, Sacha got up. He wasn’t sure how long he was sobbing into Jac’s shirt for, or how he found the strength to stand, but he did. Somehow he made his way to the Essie’s side, still clutching the wedding rings.

Essie looks beautiful, even now. Her golden hair is draped over one shoulder, freshly brushed just that morning. Her hands are gently placed over each other, almost like she’s waiting patiently for Sacha to say something so she can reply. She’s still in her wedding dress, and it flows gently onto the bed around her. Every inch of her is perfect, and Sacha just wants to stare and memorize all of it so that he can have something to hold onto. His eyes scan over the scene, and they catch a glimpse of scarlet on the bed next to her. A small bouquet of bright red roses are tied in a ribbon, sticking out against the white of her dress. The lace trails down her arms in an intricate floral pattern that shows off some of her pale skin, and the neck scoops down to show the top of her shoulders. As cliché as it is, Sacha finds himself thinking of Angels, with their white robes and shimmering golden hair. Or maybe she’s more like Juliet, a rose gone far too soon. Except this time Romeo has to live with the aftermath of her leaving.

At least she looks peaceful for the first time in a long while. Eyes closed, lips gently pressed together, all the tension of months of fighting a losing war finally gone. Yet Sacha still wishes that her eyes would light back up and meet his, even for a minute more. Just so he could tell her how much he loves her one last time. Make her laugh, maybe. Comfort her before she goes, since he didn’t even get to do that.

Of course, she remains still. So Sacha settles for sliding her would-be wedding ring onto her ring finger, and pressing her hand to his cheek. 

_"Goodbye, my love.”_ He whispers, before the tears begin anew. Sacha stays there for hours, holding on desperately to the last of the woman he loves.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm too much of a wreck to write more than this prologue right now, but expect the first proper chapter within a week or so. (They'll be about 500-1,000 words longer than this, too!)
> 
> Chapter title is a reference to "You Said Okay" by Flatsound


End file.
